Something happens when you stop moving from one thing to another. I am now in Florida, with Lighthouses to visit, late mornings and walks that go nowhere in particular. The words, thoughts and intentions I have kept in the air have are dropping to the ground in front of my eyes. I finally have the time to stop and think about them.
One of these thought is leaning in. A friend I trust once told me what they had noticed across several meetings. I sat forward and leaned in, and they said I was often the most attentive and engaged person in the room. I took it as a compliment, and I was pleased by it.
I even told other people it was a good habit. A way to show your attention.
I sit at the front of my chair, I nod, I answer quickly. It is how I have always shown up, and it has served me well. It tells people I am listening and that what they say matters to me. I would not want to lose that.
But I wonder now what it costs. A quick nod and a quick answer leave little room for the other person to finish their thought, or for me to have one of my own. I do not know yet whether that has ever got in the way. I would like to find out.
This is the first week of my sabbatical, and I am starting to lean back on purpose. I do not mean disengaging. I mean sitting a little further back, letting silences run, and seeing what people say when I am not quick to fill the gap. I expect it to feel odd at first.
What I am curious about is whether I can pay full attention without the physical signal, and what I will do with the stillness when I find it.
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